Look, we all know that coffee isn’t just a drink—it’s a survival tool. Whether you’re grinding through endless sales calls, pretending to listen in a meeting, or just trying to be a functional human, the right cup of coffee can mean the difference between closing deals and closing your laptop in frustration.
So let’s talk about how to brew the perfect cup of drip coffee.
Step 1: Start With Good Coffee (Obviously)
If you’re using stale grocery-store coffee that’s been sitting in a warehouse longer than your last sales prospect, just throw it out. You need fresh, high-quality beans—preferably something strong enough to make you question your life choices (which is why we are extremely biased and recommend Corporate Menace Coffee).
Step 2: Water Matters (No, Really)
Yes, coffee is 98% water, so maybe—just maybe—you shouldn’t be using tap water that tastes like disappointment. Use filtered water to avoid turning your morning brew into a liquid nightmare.
Step 3: Get Your Ratios Right (Math, But Fun)
For the love of caffeine, don’t just dump coffee into the machine and hope for the best. The golden ratio for drip coffee is:
☕ 1 to 2 tablespoons of coffee per 6 ounces of water.
📈 More coffee = bolder flavor.
📉 Less coffee = sadness in a cup.
If you need your coffee strong enough to scare your coworkers, lean toward the two-tablespoon side.
Step 4: Grind Like Your Quota Depends on It
Pre-ground coffee? Sure, if you like mediocrity. Freshly grinding your beans makes a massive difference in flavor.
For drip coffee, aim for a medium grind—about the consistency of sand. Too fine? It’ll taste bitter. Too coarse? You’ll wonder if you accidentally made tea.
Step 5: Let the Machine Do Its Thing (But Don’t Trust It Blindly)
Drip coffee makers are convenient, but they also have a bad habit of brewing too fast, leaving you with weak, under-extracted disappointment.
For best results:
✅ Use a machine with a shower head style spout for even extraction.
✅ Make sure your machine is cleaned after each use.
✅ Wet the coffee filter with water prior to adding the coffee. This will help increase the coffee's flavor and reduce your brew tasting like a paper report.
Step 6: Enjoy!
Pour that perfect cup, inhale the aroma, and prepare to conquer your inbox. If it’s not great? Well, drink it anyway—because caffeine is caffeine, and we’ve all made worse decisions.
And remember: bad coffee is for amateurs. Corporate Menace Coffee is for closers.
Sign up for our email list today and get 10% off your order.
www.corporatemenace.com
